Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and if you are smart, you should be planning right about now. Yes, I’m talking to you guys. Girls I know start planning for Feb 14th the minute the New Year party was over.

The Math of Love

Unlike most other “Valentine’s Day” articles you’ll read from today til Feb 14th, this one won’t contain too many opinions. Opinions are cheap, even the ones coming from an “expert”. Instead, I’m going to ground my recommendations based on vetted studies and data to give you the best chance of giving your special someone a memorable experience on the “most romantic day of the year” (and score points while you’re at it). Now, many people think love and numbers don’t match – that chemistry between two people can’t be quantified. But I disagree. For one thing, there is an increasing number of cases where people find their match by analysing data. Check out this Wired story about how a math genius hacked OKCupid to find true love. Or check out Amy Webb’s TED Talk on how she did it: I want to take the same approach to Valentine’s Day. But before I start, there are a couple of disclaimers:

1. Yes, this is a guide for guys only, and there’s a reason why: I’m a guy and I won’t pretend to know what women feel/think.
2. I’m no expert. I’m no John Gray (for those who are too young to know who John Gray is, he wrote a bestselling book on relationships called “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” – no, I haven’t read it).
3. Yes, there will be generalisations. You should question every thing I dispense if it doesn’t make sense in your circumstances.
4. Women are more than welcome to chime in. Your insights will be valuable to all the clueless men out there (including Yours Truly – hey, the more you learn, the more you realise your ignorance).

Sounds good so far? Let me start with some basics.

The Art of Gifting (Why You Shouldn’t Spend a Lot of Money On Gifts)

Spending big bucks to impress a woman shows laziness. Why? Because spending money is easy. It doesn’t show effort, nor empathy. To understand this, you have to get out of your masculine perception. Guys are more of a utilitarian – that is, we look at the value of the things we give or get. We think giving a gift of high value – jewellery, expensive restaurants, two gazillion red roses – shows how much we care. But women look for the effort and the reason behind the gift. Write. That. Down. [Tweet “Like anything worthwhile, gift-giving is not about the product, it’s about the experience.”]

In other words, gift-giving is not an economic exercise – we don’t do it to exchange value. It’s an exercise of empathy – you step into someone else’s shoes and try to determine what they really want. And guess what? Even if you fail, your effort will still be noted. The accuracy of your guess is not the point. Gift-giving is not about the product, it’s about the narrative and experience.

What Makes a Great Gift?

It’s simple: use the element of surprise to your advantage. Unexpected gifts are worth far more than expected ones. So forget about red roses, chocolates, teddy bears and expensive restaurants. It might be worth a lot to you, but to your significant other, not so much. It’s what an economist would call “value destruction” because to you, those gifts are worth $200, but to the recipient, they are only worth $100. It’s a stupid way to give.

Instead try these ideas:

1. Learn something new. Learn to cook and prepare a romantic dinner at home – many women prefer eating in than eating out anyway. Learn to dance – even basic moves is infinitely better than the usual gifts. Learn to play the guitar (you can do it in 20 hours). And remember, it’s not about how good you eventually become at these skills. That’s not the point. The point is the effort you put into the gift. Women can see that. Cost: mostly free. You can learn these skills on the internet.
2. Do stuff for her. A survey showed that a whopping 72% of women would like a day off from housework/childcare. Only 9% wants a gift. Cost: Free.
3. Make her feel special. Cook breakfast and serve on bed – that means you have to wake up earlier than she does. Give her massages. Watch her favourite chick flick. Revisit sentimental places for the two of you (like the place you first met). Or, get this: compliment something specific about her. Whisper it in her ears. Leave love notes all over the house. Cost: again, free.
4. Do the “impossible”. If she wants her parents to visit but you’ve been reluctant to allow that, this is your chance to score major points. If she’s been bugging you to attend church, but you’re an atheist, this is the time to try it out for her. If you haven’t taken a break in a while, take a day off and unplug just for her.  Cost: Free.

None of these ideas will break the bank, but they do require effort and sacrifice. But most of all, each and everyone of these ideas tells a story about who you are and what you think of your partner. They are also an experience – unlike chocolates, they will be remembered long after your next meal.

Making a Great Gift More Memorable

That said, a little money never hurts! After all, we launched a contest for you to win $175.61 – why do that if we don’t think money can help, right? If you’re going to spend a few bucks, spend it wisely. Here are a few ideas to consider:

1. Get people to run errands or decorate your home while you distract the Mrs. Where to find people to do this? Check out Airtasker. You can even find freaking interior designers on the site if you like and they shouldn’t cost more than $50.
2. Buy something rare. Like her favourite book as a kid that’s since been out of print, for example. A few years ago, I created a mixed tape filled with 90s songs for my wife. Yeah, you know one of those things with A/B side and you need to rewind to listen to? Took me a while to hunt one down but it brought back some good memories.
3.  Create something personalized.  Like creating a slideshow of your most memorable moments together (if you don’t know how to do this yourself). There’s a fine line here. Her picture printed on a t-shirt/mug/keychain – or anything you can buy off an online store –  is lame, but a particular beautiful picture of the two of you that you took, edited, enlarged and framed like a poster, is another story. This guy created a webpage that went viral to propose. Check out Canva if you need a bit of help with design.
4. Hustle. That is, do whatever it takes to get it for cheap. For example, instead of getting a Taxi, rent a car from your single friends. Instead of paying $30 to watch the movies, light a couple of candles and watch it at home, or did what my friend did: set up a little picnic and watch the movie in a quiet park under the stars, on a laptop.

Do you have any other ideas on how to hack valentine’s day on a budget? Let us know in the comments below.

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